Things I'll never say
by AphDenmarksLegos
Summary: Mattias Køhler doesn't have the normal life of a High School student. He has friends who constantly bully him, he has a mother who beats him up regurarely after his father died in a car accident, but the worst is his love life. Lukas Bondevik, his best friend, is not aware of the feelings Mattias holds for him and his bulling is the worst.
1. chapter 1 (10-25 06:03:12)

Chapter 1 (Prologue)

Mattias P.O.V:

Hi! I'm Mattias Køhler, 17 years old ,third year of high school , wild blonde hair and baby blue eyes. I'm an average student , I get good grades.

Well, my family and love life are a disaster at the moment. I get constantly beaten at home by my mom ever since my father died in a car accident when I was only 13.

I also have a small group of friends who bully me every day. It almost feels like they are trying to find every opportunity to call me "stupid" or other names. They seem to be enjoying themselves while doing it , so if it makes them happy I'm going to keep my signature grin on my face and hide my pain for as long as possible.

And then... There's Lukas... Lukas is my best friend since middle school and the love of my life. He is also the one who bullyies me the most. His words cut deeper than any of my blades could. He keeps saying that he hates me, but I know that isn't true...Probably.

I always act like a happy and optimistic person to hide the pain that my friends and my mom inflict in me. Sometimes, when I feel that my act is falling, I lock myself in the bathroom and I relieve the emotional pressure trough cutting.

I know... It's weak...

I am still amazed by how long I managed to cope with my life. It's becoming harder and harder to hide my felling of hurt, my bruises and my scars. I visit my dad's grave regularly and talk to him about my problems and how miserable my life has become. He is the only one who seems to be listening to me and isn't judging me.

It's the only person who I still feel love from even if we are separated forever.

 **A/N :** _This is my first fanfiction ever so please be kind. Feel free to drop a review and I apologize for any mistakes ._ _I'll try to make an updating pattern ( for example To update every Saturday)._ _Anyway ,please review and I'll try to update an often an I can._ _Love you , Bye!_


	2. Chapter 2

Mattias P.O.V:

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock. I slowly open my eyes regaining my consciousness. Every muscle of my body screamed for me to remain in bed today , but I knew better. After last night's beating, all of my new, fresh bruises were stinging like hell. I felt tears work their way down my cheeks. My life has become a miserable circle of pain and I don't know how much I can resist it.

I quickly get dressed for school and try to sneak past my mother's room, to the kitchen, to get some food. I'm not usually aloud to eat when my mother is awake , so it looks like luck is on my side today.

After I ate an apple and drank some orange juice, I slowly make my way towards school. Covering my bruises this morning was a hard task but I managed to complete it just fine. I wore a red turtle neck and some black skinny jeans.

The walk to school was refreshing. I felt a little better now that my brain was fueled with oxigen. I walk to my locker and take the books I need for my first class, English. Now I'm not the best at english. I can write just fine, but when it comes to reading, I have a few problems. The only thing that makes this class worth it is Lukas. I have nearly every class with him.

I'm early, as usual, to class. The moment I walked through the door, my heart picked up pace. I saw Lukas sitting by the window, the rays of sunshine lit his pale and fragile figure, he looked like a literal angel. I walk up to him and sat down nearby.

"Hi Lukas! How have you've been? You look great today!" I beamed happily.

"Do I look like I want to talk to you stupid dane?" he barks through him teeth glaring at me.

"Well I just thought it was nice to greet your friends! We're best bros after all!" I responded hiding my aching heart.

"First of all, since when do you know any manners. You always behave like a homeless dog thrown on the streets. Second of all, we are best friends only in your own head moron." his glare intensified. I thought he was going to make a hole through my skull.

"Ok. I'm sorry for bothering you Lukas, I really am!" I repiled defeated.

Soon after that class started. The teacher was explaining something about Shakespeare, but I wasn't listening. I was just staring at Lukas and how angelic he looks. The way his soft blonde hair framed him face, those dull violet eyes who I so hopelessly fell in love with, he was just so perfect.

My trail of thoughts was interrupted by my teacher addressing me with a calm expression asking me to read a paragraph out of "Romeo and Juliet". I bet you can all guess how well that went. I mispronounced a lot of words and took a lot of time finishing that paragraph.

"Ok Mattias, your reading improved a little bit, but if I give you a tutor I bet you can do better. How does that sound?" Ms. Jackson asked me.

"It's ok with me Ms. Jackson. I wouldn't mind a tutor." I replied.

"Very well then. Lukas, can you help Mattias with his reading?" She kindly asked.

"No one can make Mattias improve his reading, even if god gave him another brain." he laughed.

The classroom roared with laughter and I pretended to laugh with them at the stupid joke. Inside I felt like a million needles were piercing my poor broken heart and tears were threatening to escape my eyes, but I couldn't cry at school in front of the teacher and other students. I couldn't cry in front of Lukas, I am supposed to make him happy by letting him hurt me. I couldn't be that selfish and take that away from him, so I kept laughing.

Thankfully the bell dismised us and I wouldn't have to sit in another 5 minutes of hell. I quickly gather my things and make my way towards the bathroom to rebuild up my happy face. My act has taken a hard blow.

~~~~~ **Time Skip~~~~~~**

It was finally lunch. I take my tray of food and walk to the table that me and my friends share. Tino, Berwald and Emil were all ready there, chatting happily. Well Tino at least, the other two were just quietly listening.

I sat down next to Emil and I didn't even notice Lukas sat right next to me. I was happy I had Lukas so close to me, I could feel his warmth radiating from him. It was so inviting.

"You guys are really quiet today. Is there something wrong?" I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

"Well we were enjoying ourselves until you showed up." answered Emil.

"Oh come onnnn... You know that's not true. You enjoy beeing with me, I can feel it!" I smiled my signature grin.

"W'll ah h'pe ya c'n f'el how b'dly our e'rs are hurtin' b'cause of yer loud voice." added Berwald

"Of course he is oblivious to what we're feeling. He is so self-centred, I don't even know how he claims to understand us or consider us friends." Lukas coldly added.

"I am not self-centred. I understand you guys, I was just trying to lift the mood a little bit." I defended myself.

"Yeah sure, like you even deserve to have friends. In fact I don't think you deserve anyone's love and attention. You will die alone with your cat." Lukas spat

I shot a look of hurt at Lukas. I couldn't believe my ears, how could Lukas shove my biggest insecurity so easily in my face? Do they really hate me that much?

"I know I'm defective and annoying, but I was only trying to keep your spirits up! If you really hate me that much you could have told me so long ago, before you could shove my insecurities and mistakes in my face and act like huge jerks! What did I ever do to you?" I raise my voice, unable to hide my true feelings. This does it. I quickly ran out of the cafeteria and never look back. It's not like they would care anyway.

Lukas P.O.V.

"I know I'm defective and annoying, but I was only trying to keep your spirits up! If you really hate me that much you could have told me so long ago, before you could shove my insecurities and mistakes in my face and act like huge jerks! What did I ever do to you?" Mattias cryied. Maybe I took it a little too far...

The look of pure pain he just shot me broke my heart. I never knew Mattias was hurting so much inside because of our insults, because of my insults. I raise from my seat quickly and ran after Mattias. I knew this time I had to apologise. I took it too far and the bad part is that I never actually mean anything I say to Mattias. I was just trying to cover my true feelings towards the idiot. I just can't accept the fact that I helplessly fell in love with this cute, cute moron.

I extend my arm to grab him by the collar of his turtle neck. I successfully catch him and stop him. He turned to me with tears streaming down his cheeks and red puffy eyes. This image alone made me regret every little thing I ever said to Mattias.

"Lukas please, I know you don't wanna see me and I know I don't deserve anyone's affection! Please Lukas just leave me alone, I can't resist anymore! I can't keep my happy act forever just to make you pleased. I took all of your insults with a smile because you looked joyful while doing it, but I can't cope with it anymore!" he said through sniffles.

Is this why Mattias never seemed to be affected by our insults? We just thought he was that oblivious, but apparently he did that to keep us happy.

This was one of the most selfless things anyone has done for me and I simply hurt him even deeper.

"Mattias no! Please let me apologise! I never meant anything I said to you! I just realised what really goes through your head! This is one of the most selfless things somebody has done for me and I was just a jerk to you! I only insulted you because..." at this point I droped to the floor on my knees and tears were spilling from my eyes. I couldn't confess just yet, I wasn't ready.

I saw Mattias drop to the floor in front of me and he wraped his strong, trembeling arm around me. How could he do this? After I tortured him for so long I am the one who gets consolation. No way! Not on my watch!

I cup his face with both of my hands and look at his baby blue eyes. I shifted slowly towards him until I felt his lips against my own. I felt his schocked eyes upon me, but I didn't care. He slowly relaxed and leaned into the kiss pouring out all of his hidden emotions. For once in my life I felt completed, our lips were filling each other perfectely like they were meant to be together.

I pull away eventually and look into his soft, surprised gaze. At this point I didn't care about what my head sais, I will just listen to my heart for once.

"Dane, the reason I insulted you all this time was because I needed to hide my true feelings from my friends and from myself. You deserve to know that you deserve anyone's affection and you already have mine."I pause

"I love you so much! From your goofy grin, to your bad puns ,to the tiny subtle compliments you give me, I love it all! I know the reason I tortured you for so long is stupid, but I won't be able to forgive myself if I won't make you love yourself and to repair my stupid mistake!" "You are amazing ,Mattias and I won't ever say otherwise ever again! Those things I said to you in the past will

be things I'll never say again!"

Mattias just sat there, mouth agape and more tears spilling down his face. I panick internaly, but I suddently felt the warmth of Mattias against my body and his arms around my fragile body.

"Lukas, If I am only dreaming this I hope I will never wake up! Jeg elsker dig, Lukas! For so long!! I can't believe you actually return my feelings! Lukas I exept your apology and everything you said to me now mean the world to me!"

We just sat in each other's embrace for what seemed like an eternity. I should have confessed to my love long ago, but I'm glad I just did it.

 **A/N: Wowww that was a loooonggg chapter. I need an opinion! Should I leave this a one-shot or should I continue? As always please drop a review they are very encouraging!! Byeee people!!!**


	3. Chapter 3 (11-04 10:22:39)

Mattias P.O.V:

I just stood there in Lukas' embrace. I've never felt happier in my entire life. Finally I felt loved and wanted by a real person, flesh and blood. I could feel Lukas' fast heart beat humming through his chest, not that I was the one to talk. I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest any second now.

I hear someone clear their throat behind us. Both of us quickly shot up and looked behind. There stood Berwald, Tino and Emil. All of them had a smug look on their faces, well Tino's was more visible.

"Finally you decided to confess! I never thought it would happen, yet here we are!! I am so happy for you guys!!" cheered Tino as if they weren't bullying me just minutes ago.

"What happened to you guys? I thought you hated my guts just seconds ago!" I asked confused.

"Well we never truly hated you. We all pretended to in order to crack Lukas' façade. We all knew Lukas had the hots for you, it was so damn obvious." added Emil with a roll of his eyes. What?!?! Maybe to them it was obvious, but to me it was like a living hell!!

"Do you guys have any idea how much pain you caused me!?!? You seemed to enjoy hurting my feelings in the most brutal ways. Even if I've hidden those feelings behind a happy mask you still hurt me! And now you all expect me to forgive you just because you came up with a lame excuse!" I yelled obviously angry. They flinch under my gaze and voice. I clenched my fist slowly. I felt tears work their way up to my eyes, but I quickly ran away. They didn't deserve my tears yet again.

"Mattias wait!! Where are you going?" I heard Lukas yell behind me. I didn't turn back. I stuff my books in my backpack and run strait "home". I didn't care that I'll meet my mother's wrath, I just needed a release.

 **~~~~~~~~Time skip~~~~~~~**

I cautiously open the door of my hell hole. I saw my mom sitting on the couch with a baseball bat in her hand. My heart skips a beat at the sight of it, the blood runs cold in my veins and my palms sweat.

"Weren't you supposed to be at school right now you worthless piece of crap?" her cold yet calm voice echoed through my head. Well I was in deep shit right now. God or somebody please help me.

"Well yes but I felt really emotionally consumed today, so I decided to come home." I responded, my voice started to shake.

She started to laugh hysterically like I just said the funniest joke in history.

"And you really think I care about your feelings! You are a stupid excuse of a son! I should have given you to adoption since the moment I saw you! Or the streets even better, I don't really think anyone will want to adopt an animal like you!" Tears started to spill yet again. Was I really that bad? What did I ever do to her?

"I am s-so sorry mo-mother!" I lamely added.

"There is no need for you to say sorry. You should say sorry that you didn't start begging for me to kill you!" She raised her bat up above her head and started striking me under my rib cage. I yelled in pain and fell to the floor while she tried to cover every inch of my body with new buises. I started sobbing and begging her to stop, but she continued to beat me up even harder.

Lukas P.O.V.

I started running after Mattias. I didn't even realise we had hurt him that much. I saw from the corner of my eyes that the others started following me. They better be, I must have a word or two with them later.

In those moments I didn't even care about my backpack or who saw us leaving, I only cared about Mattias.

I started running towards his house, the others close behind. My breathing slowly became short and heavy and my legs were giving out on me, but I couldn't rest I needed to see Mattias.

Slowly his house came into view. Muffled yells could be heard from miles away. My heart stops for a bit and my pace slows down. Did Mattias had abusive parents? Oh no...

I ran like it was the last thing I'll ever do and as I was approaching I could hear the desperate sobs of my dear love. My heart breaks at the sound of them and I brutally burst through the front door. I couldn't simply believe what I saw. Pure shock was written all over my face. There on the floor covered in blood stood Mattias and a woman with long wild blond hair stood above him with a baseball bat in her hand hitting him uncontrollably.

Me and Berwald quickly restrained her, smaking her bat away. She tried to shake us off, but our grip was too strong.

"What are you doing protecting such an unlovable monster!?!? He obviously doesn't care about his education by coming home over such stupid feelings!" she yelled. I glance down at Mattias to see him passed out on the floor. I signal Tino to call the police and for Emil to call for an ambulance, this was out of control and needed to be fixed immediately.

After a short while we hear the sirens of the police car and ambulance. The policemen stood in the door way shoked by the scene. They demanded an explanation as they took away the crazy woman and Mattias. Mat was cautiously placed on the transportation bed and into the ambulance to be taken to the local hospital. His "mom" was locked into the police car. We gave the two policemen details about everything we witnessed.

We looked dazed after the two leaving vehicles. We never in a million years expected to see Mattias like this. Tomorrow we will visit him in hospital as soon as he wakes up.

_ **_** **A/N: Second chapter yay !! I really appreciated the constructive criticism you gave me. I am once again sorry for the fast pace and mistakes( English is not my mother tongue). I am also sorry for the little delay. Thank you so much again!!! Bye my beautiful readers!!!**


End file.
